You Might a Cheapskate If.....

You might a cheapskate if ....

1. You dumpster dive for food so that you don't have to buy food. Dumpster diving is only acceptable if, and only if, your bank account is at or below zero and you have not eaten for a day.  
2. You shower with your clothes on, so they get washed when you shower.  Again, this does not count as washing your clothes and should only be done IF the washer quits working
3. You only buy one meal and ask for two plates when you are on a date.  Ladies, if a guy takes you to a restaurant and only buys one dinner for the two of you it better be humongous.  If it isn't run for the exit door.  
4. You dry out wet paper towels so you can reuse them.  Reusing paper towels is completely unacceptable.  Suck it up buttercup and buy more paper towels.  
5. You coast your car down hills to save gas. Anyone who tries this, they are foolhardy.   I wouldn't ride with them.  Most new cars won't even let you do this, and if you can I do not want to know how it is done.
6. The thermometer in your house is set for fifty.  Brrrr.  One should not get frostbite if they come to visit you.  Do the rest of us a favor and turn up the heat a little. 
7. During the winter,  you turn your freezer off and set your food outside.  You can do this, if you want but if wild animals, not the neighborhood kids, start hanging around outside your door don't say we didn't warn you.
8. You argue with the cashier about a five cent difference on an item.  This is in bad taste, and it wastes more time than what you save.  Just let it go.
9. You eat pet food because it's cheaper.  This is completely unacceptable.  Yes, some say it is better than people food, but it is pet food. Please don't gross the rest of us out; please do not serve it to your friends.
10. The drive home from work took longer because you stopped to pick up roadkill to put in the freezer.  No, No, No, roadkill is never to be considered food unless it's a six point buck and you hit it with your car then it's fair game.
11. You do not use toilet paper.  Ummm eeeew!!!! Bite the bullet and buy the TP.  This is especially true if I'm coming for a visit.
12. You turn off the hot water tank.  Turn on the hot water tank.  Hot water does a better job of cleaning. Use the shower too!  No,  trying to save money by doing a sponge bath or a perfume/ cologne bath.  Trust me, this does not count as a bath.  No rain or snow barrels either!  Ok, I'm tempted on that one.  Nah, not really.
13. Finally, Your wardrobe is Salvation Army reject.  There's a reason why even the people  that shop at the Salvation Army didn't want those clothes.  This is acceptable if you have nothing to wear and no money.

I hope these made you smile.   The ugly truth is that most of us have done some of these on occasion, or at least I have.  We just recently went without hot water for a month because Our hot water tank broke and we needed to save some money for a new one.   Hopefully you have not done too many of them.  I know some people have no money and can't help it. Perhaps someone didn't tell you you needed TP, so you ran out.  I am not thinking of the people who have no choice; I am thinking of the people who have a choice.  They actually have money but live as though they have none.  Living like a pauper when you have money may be as much of a sin and riotous wasteful living.  One is loving money, and the other is loving things.  We are either wasting opportunities glorify God, and to help others with our money; or we are wasting the resources God has given us.  What will God say when we stand before him?